10 activities that are a better use of my time than dating

If, like me, you have been single for a few years, you know that, no matter how surrounded you are by loving family and friends, occasionally you long for the comfort and fulfillment of having that special someone for kissing, cuddling, and other couple-y things (hey, even in LA, there are cold nights when a warm body to snuggle up to would be most welcome).

However, if, like  me, you have been single for a few years, you know that dating is a nightmarish hellscape in which you're more likely to be insulted, ghosted or fucking peed on than to find a tolerable temporary bed buddy, let alone "the one." Not to mention that if you do find someone worth dating, you have to go through the whole torturous process of stressing about whether like you back, trying to impress their friends and family, and worrying about when a dealbreaker, like their lifelong dream is to live in Alaska or they voted for Jill Stein "because they just couldn't bear to vote for Hillary" will rear its ugly head. Ugh, isn't it exhausting just thinking about it?
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​Maybe it's because the third anniversary of the end of my last long-term relationship just passed, or because I recently migrated to a new city with twice as many people as the city I left, but I was contemplating dipping a toe back into the murky, algae-filled dating pool. Luckily, the part of my brain that's not connected to my heart or vagina intervened before I could fire up the Tinder app and open myself up to a world of frustration and anxiety.

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Since one never knows when a case of the relationships might hit again, I figured it would be a good idea to have a list of better uses for my time and energy handy. Maybe it will be useful to you as well, gentle reader - feel free to add your own!

1. Explore LA, my new home
I live in LA now! Did you know that? It's a huge city in a huge state, which means there are tons of new things for me to explore and do, like the Getty, Griffith Observatory, the Hollywood Bowl,  the Broad Museum, the La Brea Tar Pits, the LA Zoo, Runyon Canyon Park, Dodgers and Lakers games, Grand Central Market, the California Science Center, the Huntington Library and Botanical Gardens...I could go on and on. Who wants to be on Tinder when you can be on the beach all year round?

2.. Finish my screenplay
So then I can go full LA and be one of those people running around trying to get industry people to read my screenplay. 

3. Continue my quest for comedy domination
I'm in one of the country's comedy meccas, with Groundlings, UCB, Second City and more offering classes in sketch and improv, two areas of comedy I definitely want to plunge into in my pursuit of being Tina Fey when I grow up. Not to mention all of the nightly open mics where I can continue to refine my stand-up act. Compared to all the other comics who plumb the dating scene for material, I'll look original as hell with my relevant jokes about The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and why adults still lose their goddamn minds when someone tosses up a balloon at a party.  

4. Earn some fucking money
Because LA is as expensive as everyone says. Do you know what they charge for gas out here? DO YOU EVEN KNOW???

5. Volunteer for a political campaign
Look, shit is fucked up right now. I know it. Cardi B. knows it. And it seems like a better use of my time to work to defeat the MAGA-hat wearing masses in upcoming elections than to have to weed them out of my dating pool. I'm not saying I'm #teamkamala, but having done some canvassing before I left Philadelphia, I'm definitely interested in using my time and energy to support candidates who I believe can help push the country forward in the right direction.

6. Learn a new language
While I may be able to speak and write English better than most people, I've always been shit at learning foreign languages. It might be time to overcome that. Spanish is the most obvious choice; the fact that a lot of signage in and around LA is written in both English and Spanish might improve my chances of actually mastering some of the language.

7. Exercise
Not like, in a gym. Let's not go crazy here. But given California's seemingly endless supply of sunshine and array of beautiful hiking trails, I can be active outdoors a lot more than I was in stupid, frigid Pennsylvania. (Hope you're all staying warm, East Coast fam!) 

8. Improve my mindfulness/meditation skills
Yeah, yeah, I know, it's an LA cliche to get all hippie-dippie, but I was introduced to mindfulness practices and meditation techniques on the East Coast, and I do believe they have significant mental, emotional and physical benefits. If I can get my overactive mind to quiet for 10 minutes without bouncing from thought to thought like a goldfish who's out of Ritalin, that will be a new achievement level unlocked. #goals #westlifebestlife

9. Catch up on all the TV shows and podcasts people have recommended to me
Let's see...The Sopranos, The Deuce, Shameless, Succession, Veep, Black Mirror, Just for Laughs, The Mindy Project, Great News, Schitt's Creek, Queer Eye, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, 2 Dope Queens, Sooo Many White Guys, Lore, S-Town, Dirty John, Comedy Bang Bang, Serial...yeah, I've got enough to keep me busy for a looooong time.

10. Write more blog posts
Because I love you, dear reader, more than I could ever possibly love a man who is presently contemplating which dick pic to send to the poor girl he just matched with on Tinder.