Everybody's scared

I recently went to the Austin Film Festival for the first time. For those of you who don't know, a key component of AFF is its 4-day Writers Conference that brings together screenwriters, directors, producers, lit managers and other storytellers for a bonanza of panels, Q&As, roundtable, pitch sessions, and more. It's basically summer camp for writing nerds with alcohol, and it was AWESOME.
It was also basically exactly what I needed in the moment that I needed it (thanks, Universe!). My primary obstacle in writing and career development this past year has been my struggle against perfectionism (I mean, if I'm being honest, which is what I'm trying to do here, that's been one of my greatest struggles in life. I've just reached a point where I've cleared away enough other emotional detritus to get the root of the issue).
Showing up to write has been a daily struggle, even as I've had really fun ideas that I'm excited to explore. Most of the time I feel like I have a tiny editor who looks and sounds suspiciously like Roz from Monsters Inc. looking over my shoulder and critiquing every single line I wrote. As you can imagine, it's exhausting.
I get stuck in my own head a lot (obviously). I look at writers I admire, brilliant people who tell brilliant stories, and assume they have some sort of superpower that allows them to effortlessly translate their brilliant ideas onto the page. Typing that out now, it seems silly. Because what every single one of these writers expressed in the various panels and Q&As I got to attend, is that it's just as scary for them as it is for me. 
On one hand, this is slightly disappointing - I really did hope it was going get easier one day. But it's also immensely comforting and freeing, because it means that the only thing standing in my way is me. And if there's anything two decades of therapy will teach you, it's how to confront your fears and change your perspective. 
Fuck, I'm getting caught up in how to end this on some profound note. I blame all the academic research papers I did that taught me you have to have some thoughtful conclusion that synthesizes and summarizes your ideas. 
Maybe there are no summaries here. Maybe these aren't individual blog posts but one ongoing conversation about perfectionism and vulnerability and how I'm navigating away from one and leaning into another. Maybe I don't try to summarize because I don't know exactly where this is going yet. And maybe that's okay.