The top 8 reasons why virtual dating is the freaking best

Hey, hi, how are you? Let's just get this out of the way - yes, it has been an absurdly long time since I've posted anything. I've been busy. I don't really feel like wasting time explaining exactly what I've been busy with, but rest assured that it's mostly good things that are career-related, and I am overall doing pretty well. And just because I haven't been writing them down, rest assured that I have been thinking about many, many things.
However, at the moment, I, like many of you, are suddenly a lot less busy because I am practicing physical distancing and self-quarantining to help slow the spread of COVID-19. I don't feel like wasting a lot of time writing about that, because honestly, that's pretty much all anyone's writing (and talking and thinking) about, and I would like this blog to be a place of some respite from the insanity of the world in which we currently live. 
No matter how bad a situation is, I always believe that there are silver linings. This week, I discovered a silver lining of this whole crazy COVID-19 situation - virtual first dates. People, this is a game-changer.
I, like many people, am not a big fan of first dates, especially in the era of dating apps. Maybe it's because, in the words of Charlotte from Sex and the City, "I've been dating since I was 15. I'm exhausted. Where is he?" Maybe it's because I hate forced situations and awkward small talk. Maybe it's because I usually end up wishing I was at home, wearing pjs, in my bed, watching Netflix and smoking a bowl instead of in a crowded, noisy bar wearing pants that are too tight and drinking a cocktail that's too expensive.
I don't know. But what I do know is that I have discovered a solution to many of these problems, and it is (drumroll, please) virtual dating in a time of physical distancing. Obviously, I'm not the first person to try an online date in lieu of a now-forbidden and ill-advised in-person meet-up. But I am, as far as I know, the first person to list the reasons why this is the ideal first-date scenario:
1. You don't have to leave your house
Yes, I know, you're not supposed to be leaving your house that much anyway right now, and even if you do, there isn't really anywhere to go. And we are all very sad about this. But think about it - how many times have you been on a first date where you thought, "Really? I left my house for this?" With a Zoom, Facetime or Google Hangout date, feeling like the date was not worth the effort becomes irrelevant. You're likely staring at your phone or computer already, so there may as well be a potential love interest on the end, right?
2. You can wear comfy clothes
Put real pants on. Or don't. Wear make-up. Or don't. Everybody knows the situation right now, and that the rules have changed. Why keep up the pretense of a traditional, in-person date when everyone knows you've been on your couch in joggers and a hoodie all day watching Tiger King? I don't know about you, but I'm way more fun when I'm not squeezing myself into a pair of skinny jeans, and my feet aren't killing me in high heels.
3. No one has to spend money
This is especially important at a time when unemployment is at an all-time high, but honestly, the intersection of money and dating has always felt awkward to me. On a virtual date, there's no uncomfortable dance about who should pay at the end of the night. It's true equality, and I am HERE. FOR. IT.
4. With less distractions, you can actually focus on getting to know your date
Look, I'll be the first to admit, I have the attention span of a goldfish. When I am in a public place, like a bar, I am constantly distracted by what is going on around me. I also destroyed my hearing blasting Backstreet Boys through my Discman 20 years ago (#worthit), so a date in a loud bar usually consists of me saying, "I'm sorry, what?" approximately 8 million times. With a video chat, it's more likely that it's just you and the other person, making it way easier to focus on who they are and what they're saying.
5. You get a peek into your date's like, without actually having to go home with them
We're all learning new things about our co-workers by getting a peek into their homes on Zoom calls. Virtual dates extend that insight into our romantic lives. Now you don't actually have to go home with a guy to find out if he sleeps on a mattress on the floor - just ask for a virtual tour of his home!
6. The date can go on for as long as you want
There are no "last calls" in the land of virtual dating. No debating whether you can have one more drink, and still drive home - you're already there! So if you're having a good time, there's no reason to end the night soon. It's not like time has any meaning anymore anyway.
7. You don't have to worry about getting to physical too fast
Ok, to be fair, this is also a downside if you're really feeling someone, and you're getting sick of solo sexy time. But virtual dating forces you to really get to know a person, and figure out if you connect in non-physical ways first, which I personally really like. And look, it's not like people haven't figured out how to have long-distance sexy-time, so if you feel so inclined, you can still sort of go for it,
8. If it gets weird, ending the date is as easy as ending the call
No more awkward excuses and escape hatches necessary in the land of virtual dating. If your date goes sideways, simply end the call and move on with your life. And regardless of whether it goes well or poorly, when it's over, you're already home, in comfy pants, a drink in hand, minutes away from your bed and Netflix. Who could ask for anything more?